A cold rain was falling as the audience exited the theater, congregating in small groups beneath the shelter of the large entrance plaza, some pulling on their coats, the few who'd come prepared raising umbrellas before venturing out into the elements. It had been chilly, but dry and sunny when they had entered the theater hours before. How quickly and unexpectedly everything could change, and even when you knew what could happen, when you thought you were prepared, you never really were.
"Wow, the temperature really dropped out here," Samantha Carter observed, wrapping her long wool coat more tightly around her.
"Indeed," Teal'c agreed, although showing no sign that the cold weather affected him in the least in spite of the fact that the Jaffa only sported a light jacket and the thin wrap of the turban that covered his gold forehead tattoo.
"This rain will probably turn to sleet before morning," Janet Frasier added.
"Sweet," Jack O'Neill commented dryly as he frowned up toward the sky, then turned and looked toward the youngest member of the assembled group. "So, Cass, did you enjoy the show?"
"Oh, it was great!" Cassandra Frasier replied with enthusiasm.
"The sets were fantastic," Sam commented.
"I thought the performances were excellent," Janet added. "Wonderful voices. And it's such a terrific show. Great story, great songs. No wonder it's been so popular for so long."
"Quite affecting," Teal'c commented, "yet rather puzzling, this method of utilizing musical numbers to relate a story of historical significance."
"It's not really about relating historical events, Teal'c," Janet replied. "It's all about people, how events affected their lives. It's not about dates or events themselves, but human beings that live through them. Even when they're fictional, there are things in their characters that we can all relate to and admire."
"Indeed. An inspiring tale of devotion to a cause, of courage and loyalty in the face of insurmountable odds, of self-sacrifice. Of the indomitable nature of the human spirit."
Jack's eyes narrowed. "Wow, Teal'c, that was... profound."
"Thank you, O'Neill. It is from a review of the play by the local theater criticizer."
"Critic," Jack corrected. "And you shouldn't read those things. Form your own opinions. Those guys are mostly full of it anyway."
"Well, in my opinion, it was really good. Kinda sad sometimes, though," Cassie responded and her adoptive mother nodded.
"Putting the story to music heightens the emotional drama. Really helps you to feel what the characters are feeling."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Jack's impatient tone broke in. "So, anybody up for hot chocolate at my place instead of just standing out here in the cold and wet?"
"Oh, could we?" Cassie asked.
Janet shook her head. "I think it's a little late for some of us to be up."
"Aw, Mom...." One look at her mother's face and Cassandra heaved a sigh in defeat.
Jack laughed at the expression on her face. Wrapping an arm around the girl's shoulders and giving her a quick hug, he leaned close to her ear. "Don't worry, Cass. I've always got hot chocolate on hand. We'll get her to say yes some other night."
Cassie smiled up at him.
"So, did ya have fun?" he asked.
"Oh, yeah!" She stepped away from Jack and to give Sam a hug. "Thanks, Sam."
"You're welcome," Sam replied before relinquishing her hold as Cassie moved toward the last member of the group, standing silently a few feet removed from the rest of them, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. Cassie rested her hand on his arm to draw his attention to her. Blinking as he turned toward her, a gentle smile spread across his face.
"Thanks, Uncle Daniel." Threading her arms around his waist, she leaned her head against his shoulder. Immediately, Daniel responded, pulling her close against him, his lips touching the top of her head before he turned slightly and rested his cheek against her soft blond hair.
"You're welcome, Munchkin," he whispered. "Happy Birthday."
Sam stood with the others and watched as Daniel's eyes squeezed shut, his embrace tightening around the girl as if he desperately needed the contact. Cassie must have sensed it as well. She clung to him with no sign of wanting to let go. For the most part, Cassandra had stopped calling Jack, Teal'c or Daniel "uncle" anymore since she was "almost all grown up," as Jack had put it. The fact that she used the affectionate term with Daniel tonight was just her way of trying to make him feel closer.
This evening had been hard for Daniel, Sam knew. Together she and the archeologist had planned this outing weeks ago as their gift to Cassie for her birthday. It had actually been Daniel's idea when he'd heard that a national touring company would be in town with the play at just the right time. Cassie had grown to love musicals after participating in her school's production of "Oklahoma" and had managed to get her rather unorthodox extended family to join her in watching videos of most of the classic movie musicals available on video. Janet had delighted in taking her to a local theater production of "South Pacific" a few months ago and for weeks, it was all Cassie could talk about.
Lighter musical fare was one thing, but Sam had been a bit concerned about taking the fifteen-year-old to this more adult-oriented and heavily dramatic play. Daniel had reminded her, however, that Cassie was anything but a typical teenager. In contrast to the rest of them, Daniel had always seemed to treat Cassandra more like an equal and less like a little girl. He seemed to innately understand her better than anyone else, which wasn't at all surprising. Daniel had a natural talent for understanding people; it's what made him so invaluable as a member of SG-1. When it came to Cassie, that understanding ran even deeper. They had a lot in common, and they seemed to recognize that kinship in each other. It was never more evident than in the way the two were clinging to each other right now.
Three weeks ago, they had all been looking forward to the evening out together. That had been before things had gone so horribly wrong. Two weeks ago today, Daniel's two and a half year search for his wife had come to a tragic end. Sha're was gone, and although she hadn't physically been a part of the young man's life for so long, the hope of a resurrected future with the woman who held his heart had been the driving force in that life. Sam had never seen a love as strong as Daniel's for Sha're. The image of him lying on the carpeted floor of the pavilion, his hand gently reaching out to touch the face of his dead wife and whispering his love to her had broken Sam's heart. She hadn't been able to hold back the tears. Tears she had also seen in Teal'c's eyes as they brought an unconscious Daniel and a lifeless Sha're back through the Stargate. Tears she had cried that night in the infirmary with Janet as Daniel slept sedated after being nearly killed by a Goa'uld ribbon device. Tears she had even seen in the eyes of Colonel Jack O'Neill as he sat vigil at his best friend's bedside.
But Daniel hadn't cried. Not once, as far as they knew. Not in the tent lying next to his wife before he lost consciousness, not when he'd awakened in the infirmary, not at the funeral on Abydos. In the two weeks since it had happened, they hadn't seen Daniel cry at all. He'd insisted on going right back to work, burying himself in translations and artifacts. He'd kept to himself a lot, and they'd honored his need to be alone as much as they could. They had all seen the depths of pain, despair and sadness in his eyes. They knew he was holding it all inside because to give it freedom was just too much for him to bear. Daniel had learned long ago to hold his emotions inside, and it was a hard lesson for him to unlearn, but Sam knew he couldn't keep that wall up forever. They had all vowed to be there for him when he needed them. And he would. It was just a matter of time.
Daniel had insisted they go ahead with their plans for Cassie's birthday, and he'd put forth a valiant effort to join in for her sake. They had all been laughing and joking during their early dinner, and had continued as they gathered at the theater awaiting the start of the play. Daniel had seemed almost his old self as he'd explained to Cassie and to Teal'c about the historical context of the play; that it was set during a lesser-known 1832 student rebellion in France and not during the earlier French revolution as was often mistakenly believed.
Then the lights had dimmed and the play had begun. Sam and Daniel had sat with Cassie between them, Janet and Teal'c to Sam's left and Jack to Daniel's right. Cassandra had been enthralled by the play, but occasionally, Sam had noticed her looking toward Daniel. At one point during a particularly poignant scene - the death of the young girl Eponine - she'd watched Cassandra place her hand over Daniel's as it clutched the arm of his seat so tightly his fingers were white. Sam had leaned forward just enough to see Daniel turn toward Cassie and attempt a reassuring smile. His eyes had been bright, but his cheeks remained dry. Sam's hadn't. She could sense what his effort at holding back his emotions was costing him.
Now as she watched him holding Cassie, she knew that his own personal barricade was about to be breached. One glance at Jack told her that he knew as well. The older man took a step forward and placed his hand against Daniel's back in a silent message of support. At the touch, Daniel raised his head and loosened his embrace. Cassie followed suit, looking up at him.
"Well, I think I'm going to call it a night, too," he said, his voice tight. "I'm a little tired myself."
"You sure you won't come over and..." Jack began.
"No," Daniel cut him off. "I'll see you guys tomorrow." Without even looking back at them, he stuffed his hands in his coat pockets and stepped out into the rain.
"Daniel..." Sam took a step to follow, but Jack's hand caught her arm.
"Let him go."
"Sir..."
"It'll be okay," he assured her. He smiled at Cassie, reaching out to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "I promise. He'll be okay," he told the girl.
With a nod to the others, he turned and walked away.
"He just wants to be alone... I guess," Janet sighed.
"He shouldn't be alone." Sam said firmly.
"He will not be."
Sam looked back at Teal'c. Head held high, the Jaffa's eyes gazed off in the direction their teammates had disappeared, then he repeated the assurance he had first uttered in a tent on a planet half a galaxy away. "Daniel Jackson will be fine."
Sam wrapped her arms tightly around herself as she followed the gaze. No, Daniel wouldn't be alone. His family - the people who loved him - would make sure of that.
***
Jack O'Neill kept his eyes glued to the car directly in front of him as he maneuvered his truck along the wet Colorado Springs streets. There was no need to worry that Daniel would see him following. The younger man's mind was far from such concerns at the moment. That distraction on the part of his friend worried Jack, but he knew there would have been no point in trying to force Daniel to allow him to drive him home.
With a sigh of relief, Jack watched Daniel's car pull into the parking garage beneath his apartment building. Jack parked his truck next to the curb just across the street, leaving it running so the heater would continue to warm the cab while he waited. The time had come for Daniel's walls to break down, and Jack knew he needed to be alone for a while when that happened. If Jack went to him now, Daniel would just fight that much harder to keep holding the pain inside. He needed to let it out. Needed to let the grief take hold of him and shake him to his core. Needed to let himself feel the pain he'd tried to bury with Sha're on Abydos. Only then could he begin to deal with the fact that he was still alive, that he had to go on, to find a way to live without the hope that had been so much a part of him for so long.
As hard as it was for Jack to just sit here knowing the pain his friend was going through, he knew he had to wait. Wait until the time was right.
***
Daniel couldn't even remember his drive home as he closed the door of his apartment behind him and leaned back against it. He'd just known he had to hold on until he got here. Safe. Alone. Before he surrendered to the force of despair that had welled up inside him. He'd thought he could handle it. He'd thought he was doing okay. Keeping the pain at bay. Walling it off. He had been so proud of himself earlier in the evening. Putting his friends at ease. Pretending he could relax and share in the camaraderie and the celebration of Cassie's birthday. He hadn't been foolish enough not to realize they had been watching him closely for the past two weeks. He had felt the concerned looks they'd sent his way, the one's they'd shared with one another, the frequent touches of a hand on an arm, a shoulder. Yes, they knew it was an act, but thankfully they had allowed him to play it.
For two weeks they had tried to give him space while making it abundantly clear that they were there for him. That they wanted more than anything to help him through his pain. But he couldn't let them. To do so would have meant letting go, and he wasn't sure he would survive if he allowed that to happen. He'd thought he could handle it his way. He had believed he was handling it.
Until tonight.
He knew it would be hard trying to act like everything was normal, but he'd never expected it to be this hard. He hadn't been prepared to be ambushed by the play itself - the memories and the feelings watching it had forced to the surface. It had been a struggle, but like the students at the barricade, he'd held out, until...
He didn't know how long he had stood there in the darkness of his apartment when he finally pushed himself away from the door. Slipping out of his coat, he dropped it to the floor and walked slowly across room to his stereo. He had located the CD in his collection earlier that afternoon, thinking he might take it along with him tonight to lend it to Cassie if she wanted to listen to the music again after watching the play. But in his rush to get ready and get to the restaurant where they were to meet, he'd forgotten it. He powered up the player, the dim light of the display yielding just enough illumination that he could locate the track he sought. Loading the CD, he keyed in the necessary buttons to play just that one particular song, then walked away toward the balcony as the music began. He opened the balcony door, allowing the cold air to wash across his body, but made no move to go outside. Lifting his eyes to the dark sky, he watched the icy rain fall and listened to the words of the song.
Don't you fret, Monsieur Marius, I don't feel any pain.
A little fall of rain can hardly hurt me now.
You're here... that's all I need to know.
And you will keep me safe...
And you will keep me close...
And rain will make the flowers grow.
But he hadn't kept her safe. He'd left her behind in the pyramid while he went to show off his great discovery. He wasn't there when the attack came - when she needed him. He didn't keep her close, and because of that, he'd lost her. He'd kept hoping he'd find her... that they'd be together again... that they'd have the life they'd dreamed they would have. But now that dream had died.
His legs buckled under him and he sat down hard on the floor as the tears began to slowly trail down his cheeks.
But you will live, 'Ponine, dear God above
If I could heal your wounds with words of love.
His body began to shake and he wrapped his arms tightly around himself in one last effort to hold back the pain.
Just hold me now and let it be
Shelter me, comfort me
The wave of the force that lay siege against his soul was too great. The barricade fell against the assault of emotion, shattered into splinters, and fell away. And he surrendered to his oldest enemy. He allowed it all to wash over him. His grief. His pain. The despair. The loss. The aloneness that had once been his constant companion, that he had so hoped he had left behind him forever, came back to assert its claim. Memories fell through his mind like the rain upon his desert soul.
Sha're smiling as she stood before him. The way her lips trembled the first time he kissed her. The warmth of her pressing against him. The feel of her skin. Her fingers in his hair - touching his face. The sound of her voice.
You would live a hundred years if I could show you how.
"Sha're..."
He cried. Not gently, not quietly or tremulously, but in loud sobs with the jarring force that wracked his entire body as he rocked back and forth.
I won't desert you now.
Layered amidst the words of the song were the sounds of memory.
Hear me, my Dan'yel...
The sound of a staff blast. The thud of bodies hitting the ground. His softly. Hers hard. He saw the unnatural glow fade from her eyes as the Goa'uld inside her died and finally, after so long, he was looking into the soft dark eyes that had so often seen into his soul.
I love you, Dan'yel.
Then the light that was Sha're died. There would be no more mornings waking with her in his arms. Never again would he feel her warm skin, hear her gentle voice, gaze into the warmth of her brown eyes. He'd lost her. Lost her years ago, and yet there had always remained the hope. Now that too was dead.
No, he didn't want to feel this. He didn't want to let go and admit he had lost her forever, and he struggled to reconstruct the barrier. But it was too late. He couldn't do it anymore. Now he belonged to that grief, to that pain. That was all he was now. The rest of him had died with her.
He had failed. Now he was alone. More alone than he had ever been in a life spent alone.
A warm hand touched his shoulder, and he felt someone sitting on the floor beside him.
"It's okay, Danny. Just let go. I'm here. And so's Sha're. She's free now. And she's right here where she'll always be. In your heart."
My Dan'yel...
A glimmer of light seemed to touch the darkness within him. It was almost as if he could hear her speaking to him.
The rain can't hurt me now.
This rain will wash away what's past
Not alone. She was there. She would always be there. In his heart.
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
I'll sleep in your embrace at last.
She was still there. Inside him. As long as he remembered her, she would be there. Safe. Close.
The rain that brings you here is heaven blessed
The skies begin to clear and I'm at rest.
She was free and she was here.
A breath away from where you are
I've come home from so far.
An arm wrapped around his back, and he gave in to the gentle pull, leaning against the strong body next to him, his face buried in the soft folds of a shirt. He felt a hand rest against the back of his head as he was held close, and he let his tears fall as the voice that sang to him subtly changed, its timbre so familiar, so warm, so beloved.
Don't you fret, my Dan'yel, I don't feel any pain.
A little fall of rain can hardly hurt me now.
Jack's hand moved up and down his back.
I'm here.
Jack was here. Sha're was here. He wasn't alone.
//I'm here too, Sha're.//
That's all I need to know.
The words of the singers in counterpoint no longer belonged to Marius and Eponine. They were Jack's...
I'll stay with you till you are sleeping.
And they were Sha're's...
And you will keep me safe...
And you will keep me close...
And rain
And rain.
Will make the flowers...
Will make the flowers...
Grow.
~fini~
____________
There's a little story behind how the idea for this little piece came about. I had just rewatched "Forever In a Day" again for the I-don't-know-how-many-eth time the night before our office Christmas party. After the festivities were over, I was working late at my desk in the deserted office when I heard the piano that had been brought in for the party begin to play. Curious, I walked down the hall and up the stairs to the lobby where the music was coming from. On the way up, I recognized the song. You guessed it, "A Little Fall of Rain" from Les Misérables. Turns out it was one of the younger attorneys at the law firm where I work who was taking advantage of the fact that the piano wouldn't be taken away until the next day to get in a little practice. We started talking and I mentioned how much I loved "Les Miz" (I was lucky enough to see it on stage in London years ago) and we talked about the play and the music and how powerful they both were. After I got home that night, I rewatched the final scenes of "Forever In a Day" and I could just feel how the words to the song still playing in my head might affect Daniel. This particular song has always made me sad and yet at the same time was amazingly comforting. So, I thought I'd share. I hope you enjoyed.
A little thanks must go to Victor Hugo whose novel was the inspiration for the play, and to Alain Boublil and Claude-Michel Schönberg, along with lyricist Herbert Kretzmer, who brought the musical to life. For more information about the play, visit the official website at http://www.lesmis.com
Thanks for help with the story to Mike (the attorney) for the inspiration, to Jacquie for the spelling and grammar beta read (even though she isn't a big Stargate SG-1 fan).
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