Title: Bound for Christmas
Author: Neetz
Summary: A little Stargate Christmas story for 2003! Daniel's a little down, but is in for a bit of a Christmas surprise
Spoilers: Assumes general knowledge through Season 7 episode "Orpheus"
Rating: PG-13.
Feedback: to Neetz@chevron7.net Highly craved. But be kind. I'm new to this corner of the universe.

Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado - December 23, 2003

Daniel took a sip of the hot liquid in his mug, frowned and sighed longingly. A nudging elbow against his ribs drew his attention to Major Samantha Carter standing to his left, giving him a sidelong glance.

"Something wrong with your wassail, Dr. Jackson?" she asked.

"Yeah, it's not coffee," Daniel replied with a shrug and a look of yearning in his eyes.

Sam chuckled. "You can have coffee anytime. This is Christmas! Get with the spirit!"

"Ho ho ho," piped up a sing-song voice from Daniel's right. "Come on, Scrooge Jackson. Look on the bright side. At least it's not that sickly sweet, way-too-nonalcoholic gunk that passes for eggnog around here. Sam's right. It's Christmas."

"Bah humbug, Jack," Daniel responded, the grin breaking across his face ruining the effect of the words and earning him a chuckle and a shake of his commanding officer's head.

Leaning back against the wall of the tinsel and holly adorned cafeteria, Daniel wrapped his free arm around his body in his own familiar self-comforting pose as he scanned the celebration in full swing before him. Seasonal music rang out from the PA speakers. A tall blue spruce tree awash in twinkling lights and brightly colored ornaments dominated a corner of the large, usually utilitarian room. Long tables overflowing with food and decorated in red and green, tinsel and candles were spread against one wall.

There was a surprisingly large turnout at the base Christmas party this year, far more than he remembered from the couple of times he'd actually attended in the past - when he hadn't been off-world on a mission, in the infirmary recovering from an injury or existing on a higher plane. It was especially remarkable considering that tomorrow evening would be Christmas Eve. Attendance at the celebration wasn't mandatory, and he had been sure many of the base personnel would have already departed for their holiday leave. There would be no missions and only a skeleton support staff at the mountain for the next two days while everyone else spent time with their families. After all, that's what Christmas was supposed to be about, wasn't it? Family?

Closing his eyes, he called to mind some of his own Christmas memories, none of which could remotely be called traditional. As a young child, he'd spent every Christmas he could recall in Egypt with his family on digs, just the three of them quietly celebrating in a country where, for the most part, December 25th was just another day. Then, after his parents had died, there had been the long string of Christmases in one foster home or another, no two years in the same place, or at the orphanage. Each year, a new set of faces surrounded him. He'd never felt a part of what was going on around him. Alone even in a crowd of happy, smiling people. Throughout college and into his professional life, most of his holidays had been spent alone. Could you really miss something you'd never truly known?

The bond he'd formed with Jack, Sam and Teal'c had gone a long way to ease the pain over the past few years, giving him a sense of family and belonging within their circle. But that sense of aloneness always seemed to return when he found himself at large gatherings such as this. He hadn't truly wanted to come to the base party, but he felt he owed it to these people who were, after all, a part of his everyday life now to share in their celebration.

Maybe he was jealous - just feeling that these people had so many years worth of warm Christmas memories with mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, husbands, wives and children. Families with whom they felt loved, wanted, needed. The kind of holiday memories he'd never had. Without his parents to grow up with. Without Sha're beside him. Being here tonight had brought the lack of those memories into the forefront of his mind. Perhaps a part of him would always hold onto that feeling of alienation - of being apart in a sea of happy faces.

The touch of Sam's hand on his arm pulled him back from his thoughts and caused him to turn toward her again.

"Hey," she whispered softly. "You okay?"

Daniel summoned up a reassuring smile. "Yes, Sam, I'm fine."

From the look in her eyes, it was clear she didn't quite believe him, but she wouldn't push it. She simply smiled up at him warmly. At the same time, he felt a strong hand squeeze his right shoulder. Even before he turned, he knew the expression he'd find in Jack O'Neill's eyes. A look of understanding, tinged with sadness. Jack understood. He always seemed to understand. In spite of the apparent differences between the two men, there was a bond that always managed to bridge that vast chasm with amazing clarity. "Just a few ghosts paying a little Christmas visit, huh?" Daniel nodded. Jack's hand squeezed once again. "Well, don't worry about ghosts or Goa'ulds tonight. There's nothing this team can't handle... as long as we're together." The look of contentment in Jack's face added some warmth to the smile Daniel returned to his friend.

At that moment, another face leaned into view just over Jack's shoulder as the fourth member of SG-1 reminded Daniel of his presence. A serene half-smile on his face, the generally stoic Teal'c nodded silently toward his friend, and Daniel felt the warmth within him grow chasing away part of the chill. He wasn't alone; he really did have a family with whom he shared fond family Christmas memories, at least over the last few years.

"Yeah," Daniel replied with genuine affection. He felt Sam's arm wrap around his waist and lifted his across her shoulders, pulling her closer against his side. Jack's hand still rested on his own shoulder. Along with the sadness and the loss, he had found a sense of Christmas belonging in this small circle that he'd never truly known before.

Across the room he saw Dr. Janet Frasier standing by the tree, her arm around her adopted daughter Cassandra, now a young woman standing taller than her mother. Janet's eyes greeted him and Cassie grinned and waved. Two more members of his unorthodox family. Another young woman in uniform tapped Janet on the shoulder and the doctor turned to speak to her. Lou Ferretti stepped up and began talking to Cassie. As Daniel watched, the major and the girl both shot a quick glance in his direction, then looked back at each other and laughed. The archeologist frowned slightly, wondering just what was so amusing, but before his thoughts had a chance to dwell on it any further, General Hammond's voice cut though the chatter and laughter of the partygoers.

"People, may I have your attention please." As befitting a military gathering well-accustomed to discipline, the music stopped and the crowd quieted immediately, turning their attention to their commanding officer as he stood behind a small podium erected on a slightly raised platform at one end of the room. "I'd like to thank you all for being here this evening. As has become our custom, we take a few moments now, at the end of another year, to reflect back on the accomplishments of this command, ever mindful of the high cost we are sometimes asked to pay, yet comforted in the knowledge that we have faced our trials together and come out a little stronger and a little wiser. I have a great deal of pride in Stargate Command and all of you that are such an important part of it. So much is asked of each of you on a daily basis, and you've all met the challenge with bravery, strength and honor. Every person here has contributed to making the world - the universe, in fact - safer. We, better than anyone else on this planet, have learned to cherish the true meaning of peace on Earth. So, tonight, we're here to relax a little and celebrate. The world may never know just how much it owes the people in this room, but we do. I want you all to know that you have my gratitude. It has been and continues to be an honor to serve with each and every one of you."

"Here here!" Jack piped up, and similar shouts of agreement echoed throughout the room.

The general looked at O'Neill and smiled. "Considering this is a party, I'll overlook Colonel O'Neill's lack of decorum."

Laughter rippled across the room as Jack shrugged, not the least bit repentant, before the general continued.

"While we have much to celebrate and a lot to be grateful for this year, one event in particular seems to stand out for everyone here. I have a feeling that's the reason for the large turnout this evening, so without further delay, I'd like to recognize Lt. Kathryn O'Malley, our base librarian, who has a presentation to make at this time. Lieutenant?"

Daniel glanced around the room and spotted the young woman as she began to move toward the podium, suddenly realizing it had been she who had been speaking to Janet a few moments before. There was a tangible feeling of anticipation growing in the crowd, knowing smiles sprouting on a number of faces, and Daniel fleetingly wondered if he had missed a memo.

"Thank you, General Hammond," the young officer said nervously. "I hope you'll all forgive me. I'm not really used to public speaking. Guess that's why I became a librarian." She smiled, then took a deep breath.

"I think most of us remember our Christmas party last year. We had a tree and good food and we all tried to have a really good time, but I know everyone felt that there was something missing. Something very important that we'd lost. But this year, we found it, and that makes this a very special Christmas indeed.

"The general said we're all important here, and I think that's true. But too often we get caught up in the big, momentous things that are happening around us and sometimes we forget little moments that can mean just as much. On a military installation, that can be even more true. Tonight, we want to correct one such oversight. So, if you'll allow me..."

She reached down under the podium and retrieved a thick, spiral bound book, laying it open before her, then, adjusting her glasses, she began to read.

"Why do we have to lose someone to realize how important they are to us? I guess it's human nature. You know a lot more about that kind of stuff than I do. We just get used to someone being around and only when it's too late do we think about the things we should have said to them. Most people on this base just call me 'Lieutenant', but you've always called me 'Kate.' You took the time to see beyond the uniform and find a person - a unique individual. Anytime you saw me - in the library, in the hallways, in the cafeteria, you'd smile and say hello. It wouldn't occur to you how rare something like that could be. It just comes naturally to you, I guess. It's just who you are. Just like it would never occur to you how much we all admire you and are, quite frankly, sometimes more than a little in awe of you. To you, I'm Kate and you're... Daniel."

She looked up and her eyes met those of the stunned archeologist as the realization struck him. He felt Sam's hand move up and down his back once and another gentle squeeze on his shoulder from Jack.

"You were gone before I had a chance to thank you. For the wisdom and the knowledge you shared so freely. For your enthusiasm and openness, your passion and your compassion. For opening the Stargate and through it, the universe for us to explore, and for saving the lives of everyone on this base, this planet, even the universe a few times as well. Suddenly, you were gone and it was too late to say those things, for me and for a lot of other people on this base who know how much you've done for all of us.

"Last Christmas, something - someone very important was missing from this celebration, but a couple of months ago, we all got an early Christmas present. You came home to us. Miraculously I realized I had a second chance and this time, I didn't intend to let it pass by without telling you how important you are, not just to this command and not just to the planet, but to your friend Kate.

"So, Dr. Jackson, thank you for that night you stayed late to help me reshelve books, for stopping by our table in the cafeteria to talk about that movie we'd all seen, for the smiles and the greetings and for sharing a part of yourself with me and everyone else you meet.

"Thank you for caring. Thank you for being my friend."

Closing the book and taking off her glasses, she looked at Daniel once again and smiled. "After you came back, some of us were talking in the library - quietly, I promise..." A trickle of laugher floated up from the room. "...about how much we'd missed you and that we really wanted to do something to thank you and let you know how happy we were to have you back. A couple of the guys from the archeology department were there doing research and joined us. We decided the best way to thank you would be to - no pun intended - take a page from your book and do it with words. So we decided each of us would write a little note, maybe put them in Christmas cards to give to you. But, well, word started getting around and we found out there were a whole lot of folks all over the base that felt the same way. So we decided to collect all the thank yous and put them in a book for you. By the time we were finished, as you can see, this book got pretty thick. Some are fairly long letters, while others are just a few words, but they all come from our hearts."

Daniel stood frozen, staring at the young librarian. He could feel his heart pounding, hear the blood rushing in his ears and he wasn't exactly sure he could remember how to breathe.

Looking back over her shoulder, Lt. O'Malley nodded to General Hammond. He stepped up beside her once again. "Dr. Jackson, if you'd please join us."

"Go on, Daniel," Sam encouraged with a gentle push against his back. He stumbled forward just a step before freezing once more.

"Get a move on, will ya!" Jack added, and when Daniel turned to look at him, he saw his friend's face lit up with a brilliant smile. Taking a deep, but shaky breath he returned the smile, nodded and numbly started walking toward to podium. As he reached the edge of the platform, the general put a hand on his arm and guided him to stand next to the lieutenant.

Kate opened the book once more, this time to the cover page, turning it so Daniel could see the words of the dedication as she read them. "'To Dr. Daniel Jackson, with our deepest respect, admiration and affection, from your SGC family." Closing the book, she placed it in his hands.

"Yeah!"

The cry caused Daniel to look up at the crowd and he recognized Ferretti beaming a smile as he started to clap his hands loudly. A few seconds later, the entire room, it seemed, was yelling, applauding and whistling their approval. In a sea of faces, he began to recognize individuals. Janet standing next to Ferretti, pausing in her applause to wipe a tear from her cheek. Cassie jumping up and down as she clapped and yelled. Sgt. Davis. Dr. Warner and Nurse Benson. Young Nyan from his own archeology department. Lt. Simmons. Sgt. Siler. Mannie from the motorpool. Alice from the cafeteria. Members of the other SG teams and SFs. Familiar faces. So many people telling him with their smiles and cheers that he belonged.

Looking back toward the wall, he saw three more faces, all smiling: Sam, through flowing tears, Teal'c, his head held high, and Jack, who winked, then nodded as he flashed both thumbs up.

Daniel laughed as he felt his own eyes filling. He bowed his head, closing his eyes for a moment trying to regain control of his emotions. He could feel himself trembling and was grateful for the support of the general's steadying hand against his back. The thunderous applause continued for several more seconds before the Hammond lifted his free hand and called for quiet.

Daniel hesitantly raised his eyes to the crowd. "I-I don't know what to say," he breathed.

"Good God, he's speechless!" Jack called out. "Is somebody getting this on tape?"

Amidst the laughter, a voice cried, "Yes, sir," from somewhere in the crowd. Daniel followed the voice and could just make out Major Griff behind a handheld video camera.

"I..." he shook his head. "I don't think I can..."

"It's all right, son," the general whispered quietly. "We're all family here."

Daniel looked back over his shoulder and nodded at the older man.

"Yes, sir."

Taking a deep breath and nodding, he held the book before him with both hands as he felt the tears break free and trail down his cheeks. "Thank you. All of you. You don't know how much..." Closing his eyes once more for a moment, a broad grin broke out on his face. "It's good to be home. Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas!" came the collective response before the applause began again.

Daniel wasn't sure how much more he could take without losing his composure completely. He welcomed the rescue from the general when he called out, "Okay, people. Let's get this party rolling!"

"Yeah, let's get that music back on, guys!" called Ferretti.

As 'Jingle Bell Rock' started playing and the rumble of conversation began to fill the room once again, Daniel turned to Lt. O'Malley.

"Merry Christmas, Dr. Jackson," she whispered smiling.

Daniel wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into a gentle hug. "Merry Christmas, Kate, and thank you."

"You're welcome," she replied. As she stepped away, he felt hands on his arms turning him around and before he knew it he was enveloped in another hug, this time from Sam. After a moment, she moved back just a bit, one arm still wrapped around him, to look into his face. "See?" She patted the book in his hand. "There's a whole mountain of people who love you, Daniel. Now aren't you glad you decided to come home?"

"Yeah, I am. Thanks, Sam."

Jack stepped up and immediately his hand reached out to ruffle the younger man's hair. "Well, Danny-boy, how do you feel about Christmas now?"

"Good, Jack. Really... good."

"You were much missed, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c added. "By those who best know your true worth."

"Thanks, Teal'c."

"Uncle Daniel!" The teenager rushed up and threw her arms around his neck.

"Hey, Cass," he replied.

"Isn't this great?"

"Yeah."

"We're all very proud of you, you know."

Pulling her closer, he planted a kiss on her forehead.

"We certainly are," Janet added standing behind her daughter.

"Okay, folks," Jack interrupted. "Let's save all this mushy stuff for family Christmas at my place, as usual. This is a party and it's time to get in the spirit!"

"Come on, Daniel, and dance with me," Cassie entreated, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the crowded floor.

"Dance?"

"You can jitterbug, can't you? Jack taught me how."

"Uh, well..." A glance at a chuckling O'Neill told him he'd have no rescue from that quarter.

"Come on, it's easy."

"Go on, Daniel," Jack encouraged. "You're a quick study."

"I, uh..." He looked at the book in his hand and instantly General Hammond lifted it from him.

"I'll hold onto this for you, son. Go on and dance with the young lady."

"Is that an order, General?" Janet asked.

"What difference does it make?" Jack asked. "He never has been any good at following orders."

With an 'Oh, yeah?' look toward O'Neill, Daniel turned to the general. "Yes, sir." He looked at Cassie. "Okay, Cass, I'm all yours. I apologize in advance if I step on your toes."

Cassie laughed and tugged him after her.

The other members of SG-1 watched for a few moments as the teenager demonstrated the steps and Daniel started trying to follow.

"Does it have to be the jitterbug?" he moaned.

She laughed. "Come on, you're getting it."

After a few moments, he started to feel more confident as the crowd moved back to watch and cheer them on.

"Hey, we're not gonna let the kids have all the fun, are we?" Jack asked Janet.

"Certainly not," she replied, taking his offered hand and following him out on the floor.

"Out of the way, Ferretti," the colonel called as he and the doctor began to dance.

"Whoa!" the other man cried, shuffling aside, then moving up toward Sam.

"How about it, Major? You game?"

"Certainly, Major."

"Uh, how about you, Teal'c?" asked Lt. O'Malley hesitantly.

"I do not... dance," the Jaffa replied firmly.

"Well, I do." The general stifled a laugh as he took the lieutenant's hand. Teal'c accepted charge of Daniel's book from the base commander. Standing guard as if the volume in his hands held the fate of the universe, only the tiny sparkle of mirth in his eyes revealed his pleasure as he joined the other onlookers in enjoying the show.

By late in the evening, Daniel felt like he'd danced with at least half the females present and had his back slapped by most of the males. Everyone seemed reluctant to have the party end, but finally, the crowd began to thin out. Catching Jack's eye across the room, he responded to his friend's silent question with a nod. Jack held up five fingers, then pointed out the door toward the corridor. Nodding his understanding, Daniel went to say his goodnight to General Hammond and retrieve his gift.

"Calling it an evening, Dr. Jackson?" the general asked.

"Yes, sir," Daniel replied, taking the book from the older man who had once more taken charge of it. "Thank you, General, for... everything."

"It's well deserved, son. You should know all the planning and execution of this particular mission was undertaken by the staff of this base. I just helped a little with the facilitation."

"I'm still a little in shock, I think," Daniel admitted.

"It shouldn't surprise you how the people on this base feel about you. Lt. O'Malley was right. We all should have let you know sooner. You know, in the military, we're sort of trained to accept the concept that no one is irreplaceable. I think we all learned last year that that wasn't true. It just wasn't the same without you, son."

Daniel felt his face grow warm and bowed his head. "Thank you, sir. But I think if anyone is indispensable around here it's you."

Hammond waved off the compliment. "Go. Enjoy your holiday."

"Yes, sir." Daniel replied and started to turn away.

"Oh, just a minute. I almost forgot." He reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope and handed it to Daniel.

"Sir?"

"This letter is from me. I, uh, thought it might be best if I kept what I had to say in there just between the two of us. Wouldn't want just anyone to know what a sentimental old fool I can sometimes be."

"Uh, yes, sir. I mean, no, sir." Looking at the general's envelope for a moment, he smiled. "T-Thank you, sir."

"Merry Christmas, Dr. Jackson." With a smile and a pat on the shoulder, the general moved away, leaving Daniel staring after him.

"Hey, you coming or what?" Jack called as he stepped up beside him.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, I just got..."

Jack looked down at what Daniel was holding.

"Oh, another fan letter? Just don't let all this attention go to your head. We wouldn't want you to think you were special or something."

"Heaven forbid," Daniel replied.

Dropping an arm across his friend's shoulders, Jack steered him toward the door.

"Come on. With all that dancing I bet you didn't even get to eat anything."

Noticing for the first time the hollow feeling in his stomach, Daniel replied, "Now that you mention it..."

"Pizza? My place?"

"Sounds like a plan."

"You know Griff is gonna make copies of that video. By this time next week, who knows how many tapes of Speechless Dan Jackson will be circulating around the base."

"Jack!"

"I'm just sayin'..."

"You do know the sun's gonna be up in about an hour, don't you?" The voice came from the ladder behind Daniel as he sat in the chair on Jack's small rooftop observatory deck.

"Couldn't sleep."

"So, what ya thinkin' about up here all alone?"

"Lot of things," Daniel replied. "And... I'm not exactly alone." He lifted the book in his lap.

Jack smiled. "Care to share?"

"Well, I finished reading and found a few blank pages in the back, so I thought I'd add a few thoughts of my own. Interested?"

"Sure," Jack replied.

Daniel opened the book, leaning toward the small light next to the telescope, and began to read. "The last time I stood before a large room full of people and spoke, they all got up and walked out. I left that room with everything I owned in two beat up old bags. No career. No home. No friends. No family. Then I stepped into a limousine for a chat and my whole life changed. A few weeks later, I was on the other side of the galaxy, living on a whole new world with people who offered me their respect and their love. I had a father, a brother, a home. I had a wife I loved more than life itself. One year later, in the blink of an eye, it was all gone, and I found myself back in the world I had left. Once again alone - broke - homeless."

He looked up at Jack for a moment before he continued. "Then this guy I know took me home with him, fed me, gave me a place to sleep, and someone to listen. Then he gave me a place on his team and in his life. Gave me hope and helped me find a new place for myself in a world where I'd always felt I didn't belong. Kind of a rocky road, but I never really felt like I was all alone anymore. Still, I carried with me the feeling that in the grand scheme of things, I had failed. So much had been lost, and I hadn't done enough. Maybe I'd helped some, but a lot of good people died too because of things I did or failed to do. It seemed like I could never make enough of a difference. So when I was offered a chance to ascend, I thought maybe this was my chance to really do something worthwhile - important with my life.

"When once more I came back to the world where I was born, I was afraid I was returning as a failure. That the others had send me back as punishment. A few weeks ago, after we rescued Ryac and Bratac from that prison planet, I realized that even if I don't remember what actually happened to bring me back, this is where I want to be, where I choose to be, where I have people I care about, and maybe, just maybe, I have a chance to make a difference after all.

"Tonight, once again I stood with a room full of people before me, but this time they were telling me how much they missed me and how glad they were that I'm here - that in some way, I was a part of their lives. I have friends at the SGC, I have other friends on worlds spread all over the galaxy. I have the respect of people that I respect. I have a home with a rather unique family by the name of Jack, Sam and Teal'c, Janet and Cassie, and tomorrow I get to spend Christmas Day with that family. I have a job that's more challenging and amazing than any I could have ever imagined, one where I can and have made a difference, not just out there among the stars, but right here with my family and my friends." He closed the book and ran his hand over the cover. "I think I've found my way home."

Jack patted his friend's arm. "Sounds like the words of a lucky man."

"Not just lucky," Daniel said quietly. "Blessed."

"You know, you might have noticed a few letters missing from that book of yours."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. We kinda thought what we had to say would be better if we did it in person. Maybe tomorrow. Just a little mushy stuff. Maybe."

"I look forward to it, but you know, Jack, sometimes you don't need words. Some things you feel."

"Can't hurt to say it once in a while though."

"No, it can't hurt."

The silence that followed was anything but empty. It was filled with warmth and belonging and a kind of peace that made Daniel's eyes sting once again as the stars blurred before him.

"Hey," Jack cried, slapping him on the back. "What say we get a few hours of sleep before we start getting ready for the rest of the kids to get here. We've still got some decorating to finish up on and I'm thinking maybe we should run by the video store and pick up a few holiday flicks."

Daniel stood up and followed Jack to the ladder.

"Oh, let me guess, 'A Christmas Carol'? I think we've put the 'Bah Humbug' behind us."

"Maybe, but I was thinking more along the lines of 'It's a Wonderful Life'."

Daniel chuckled. "Sounds rather appropriate."

Jack turned and feigned a thoughtful expression. "Yeah, kinda familiar, huh? An angel coming down to earth to help out a mere mortal? Just don't you go throwing yourself in no icy rivers - or in front of any more staff blasts - tryin' to save some depressed jerk's sorry ass."

"Wouldn't think of it."

Jack wagged his finger in Daniel's face. "And, Daniel, if you hear any ringing bells, don't go getting any ideas. You've earned your wings right here. No need to go heading back to the lofty planes anytime soon."

"Yes, Jack." He started down the ladder after his friend. "Jack?"

"Yes, Daniel?"

"Just so I have the literary allusion straight which one of us, metaphorically speaking, is George Bailey and which one is Clarence. Because, you know, sometimes it's hard to tell who's rescuing whom. And as an airforce officer, you certainly do have wings. Although casting you as an angel might be kind of a hard sell..."

"Daniel..."

"Jack?"

"Shut up... and Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Jack."

Merry Christmas to All!

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